Yes there is email and skype and texts and phones and all of these modes of contact have served me and my Eastern states friendships well over the past seven years but dare I say what anybody who has ever left behind friendships would say, none of that is the same as meeting at Jacobs for some torture followed up with a Jus or a maccas cheeseburger and a serious download... To share in person good news and bad and to be reminded albeit gently that sometimes you just have to let shit go.
Today's "will miss", number 1, has been mentioned in previous posts and I know that most of you who are reading already know who she is.
What you couldn't possibly know is how she has enhanced my life practically from the day she came into it. This "will miss" is "the admin girl" who influenced my decision to work at ICON. She is the one who shared Jacobs and running in Kings Park, laps in the Beatty Park pool. The one who would take the afternoon off work with me just to get drunk at the Shag and who no matter how much drama I faced in my life kept me grounded and reminded me in 5 words who I truly am.
Divorce can affect you in ways you never even imagine. When you leave a marriage and you're still deeply in love it's very different to when you leave because you've fallen out of love. The reasons not everyone understands but you know in your heart have broken you to a point where you realise you can only save yourself and "each one must choose" at times seem invalid in your head and heart and you find yourself questioning your decisions. What else could I have done? Maybe I'm the one who has the real issues, maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and not argued, maybe, what if and so on. Of course I know I could have done some things differently and I have my own demons in that respect but for the most part I think I did my fair share within my marriage.
To have support through times like this is undeniably the only way you come out the other side, the only way you can rise from the ashes and truly start over and my biggest support has been today's will miss.
Working together through the early days of my separation ensured that I was kept sane and reminded that I wasn't the shitty person I was being told I was for standing up for myself. Having her there day in and day out to just tell me I was going to be okay literally saved my life. To know that even when I was being crazy she had my back was some days the only reason I managed to function. It sounds so dramatic but the loss of my marriage was one of the most devastating experiences of my life and to think I caused it confused me beyond words. She helped me reconcile it in my own heart.
My number 1 will miss has the kindest soul I have ever known. Nothing malicious in her at all. A country girl with a big heart who I feel honoured to count among my besties, she guided me through the first months just by being in my life, and how do you even begin to thank someone for that? And not that she would ever expect thanks! She just shrugs her shoulders, sips her drink and says it's what friends do.
It hasn't always been doom and gloom - we were drinking buddies well before my life as I knew it fell apart and lunches in the kitchen and maccas and nandos runs were happy days! The famous fridge cleaning party where she had us cut off at the pub before we even ordered a drink... Sky blues by the water, hidden vodka in our afternoon OJ and stealing the catering before it went into the boardroom, Australia Day where we decided to rename my youngest son "Bob" and Sunday sessions are all treasured memories!
But by now you're probably wondering what those 5 words she said were. I will finish with those words and tell you all that they have stopped me on many occasions from being a massive twat when my own self control had left me.
The words.... "San, you're not a hater"
Number 1 will miss - Jennine xxx
Hope all goes well xx
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